Comparison Demon

have you ever been struggling with an issue, picked up a book and laid your eyes upon the exact words that you needed to hear??  i don’t know about you, but this has happened to me many times!

i had been dealing with that pesky old comparison demon.  do you know the one??  the one that gets in your face when others are successful and, instead of allowing you to be happy for their success, catapults you into comparison mode.

whispers messages like, “everyone else is selling their work (or getting published, or getting recognition, or having sold-out workshops….)  what’s wrong with you?” or “look at that person’s work, or blog, or writing, or ideas, or clothes….. blah, blah, blah”.

 

i mean sometimes i can be really happy for the success of others – no problem at all.  but other times…. i think it’s when others are finding seemingly effortless (yes, i know that’s not true!) success with the exact things that i have tried and tried and failed at that it gets painful for me.   

and i don’t want to be that way – i want to be able to be happy for any success my friends and colleagues are able to enjoy.  i want to move in that direction, but i’m not quite there yet....

 so…. i was just struggling with this very thing and 2 things happened: 

1)   i heard oprah on the radio talking about her experience with the color purple.  how she thought she had not gotten the part she so wanted and was trying to move in the direction of being happy for the actress who had.  the moment she LET GO of her desires and surrendered completely, she found out she actually HAD the part.  very interesting

.

        2)  i opened “a path with heart” (a book by jack kornfield that i am very slowly reading) and these were the exact next words:   the “near enemy” of sympathetic joy (the joy in the happiness of others) is comparison, which looks to see if we have more of, the same as, or less than another.  instead of rejoicing with them, a subtle voice asks, “is mine as good as hers?  when will it be my turn?" – again creating separation

the perfect words for me to ponder…. and hopefully prompt me to continue to move in the right direction...

Inside Out Update

remember my inside out journal project??  as part of my year of venture??  i have an exciting update!!

i am busy putting together journal kits right now and will be presenting them next week to a group of teen girls as well as doing a little workshop with them.  i have been trying to put something like this in place for a long time…. i know it’s going to be wonderful!!  more later….

Infused

Oregon

 

i’ve been infused with beauty

it’s entered

and is now a part of me

Add caption

Hawaii

 

i carry it with me

wherever i go

N. California

Arizona

 

i find myself wondering

in what ways

it will seep out

into my daily life….

Colorado

 

N. Nevada

will it help me deal

with difficult circumstances?

help ease the pain

of some future hurt?

give me patience in

dealing  with life’s frustrations?

S. California

Hawaii

 

or those who lash out

because of hurt or anger?

does there have to be

a “practical” purpose?

New Mexico

i just want to grasp it

a little

and not let it be so fleeting

Idaho

i want to hold on

and have it

enrich the future me

and maybe

the future you too

Michigan

Rejection

yes, friends, i am licking my wounds this morning and that’s the word that came to mind.  how quickly i seem to have forgotten my recent successes and fallen headfirst into the “poor me” trap.  after starting out last weekend at the barn sale with some quick sales, this weekend proved to be hugely disappointing.

 here’s the pathetic story that the “poor me” side of myself indulges in (if you don’t really want to hear this, i understand – you can exit right now and i promise i won’t be offended….):  my work is not interesting to people…. it’s not unique after all….it doesn’t look like “serious art”….  i may as well be invisible the way folks pass by my table with barely a polite glance, hurrying to get to the stuff they are really interested in and chatting up a storm (not to mention taking out their wallets) with the other vendors.… there is really no point in my being here…. what a waste of time…. and to think that i spent over $60 just in gas to come up here for 3 days….i’ll never create anything that anyone actually likes…. why do i even bother??

 ok, that felt kind of good to put in writing, but, as always… always… there is another side to the story.  so the more rational part of my mind says: well, there weren’t really a lot of people there as these events go.  and it was mostly an “antiques” venue and that’s what people were looking for.  also, i am not a “local” there on the mountain, so i wasn’t engaged in the “oh, how are you doing and what have you been up to” scenarios.  

 i did meet a lot of very nice people and was able to sneak away when things were slow and do some super fun photo-shoots of the old stuff that is everywhere at the resort.  oh, and i did sell 4 total pieces in the 3 days.  the fact that it was 3 the first day (last week), 1 the next and 0 the last day is what i left with and what caused me to fall into this slump.

so just for today i am allowing myself a little bit of whining and wallowing.  but i did find that i was eager to get back to my routine practices….. walking, listening to the birds, reading poetry, writing, meditating, being fully present to the moment  and i’m hoping to do some art journaling today.

AND… lets’ not forget practicing gratitude…especially today for those who have served on our behalf.  it’s humbling and makes my little story seem very, very frivolous indeed.

have a happy holiday and isn't this just the coolest place ever??