It's All Inside

we don’t have any kids.  or grandkids.  or parents.  or family close by.  this can feel a little sad during the holidays.  i have my moments…. but i’m more and more aware these days that all of that does not guarantee happiness.  or peace of heart.  that it truly is ALL INSIDE.  

 

 and even if your days are filled with one celebration after another and endless excitement, activity and family gatherings, if you are not in touch with your inner self and at peace right at that spot deepest within you, well… that stuff can temporarily distract you but none of it can act as a substitute.  

 i look around me and see people running around, stressed out of their minds, trying to get to some point when, apparently, it will all come together for them and everything will be right.  i’m afraid that for most of them, that time never comes because they never stop. 

the blessing that i have is the ability to stop.  yes, december is still crazy with all there is to do,  and i’m grateful for these things, but i have many moments to myself in which i can breathe, think about what’s important and receive whatever the universe has to give me.

that to me is the peace of the season and that’s what i wish for for you as well.  deep peace that goes beyond all the fanfare and is the true and lasting source of joy.  yes.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS my friends!!

Visions of sugarplums dance in her head!

Despair and Grace

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief.  I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light.  For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Wendell Berry

A Holiday Story

here’s how it goes down (every year)….  as christmas approaches and everyone is scurrying about, he asks me for a list (and says, “let’s just buy one or two things this year.”)  i say, “you know what i like….surprise me.”  he says, “i have no idea.”  i say, “we’ve been together 35 years, surely you have some clue.”  he says, “ i have no idea.  i need a list.”

i make a list.  i try to include as many interesting, practical or silly ideas as i can think of so that i still won’t know what i am getting.  if i list enough items i start to forget what i put down there.  i try to be as specific as possible to avoid any confusion.

 i put the list in an obvious place and nothing happens for a few days.  then one day, the announcement is made.  this is the day.  it’s all going to happen.  in one shopping spree.  likely at one store…. (no, it’s not the mall!)

after a few initial questions about the specifics of the items, he heads off.  i stay near my phone….. sure enough, here come the calls.  the specifics weren’t specific enough.  what about this?  what about this color?  or brand? or size?  i can pretty well tell that he is starting at the top of the list and checking things off one by one….(forget that only two gifts idea!)

 friends, this used to frustrate me.  i would look around at other women receiving lovely, expensive and very unexpected gifts and be a little bit jealous, you know?  but not anymore.  i’ve got a guy who loves me and wants to please me and this is just his way.  i’ve come to appreciate how special that is and the whole thing makes me very happy.

soon this year’s pile will appear.  wrapped in a rather crude fashion in last year’s paper…can’t remember at the moment what i wrote on that list, so it’s all good.   i can hardly wait!

p.s. supposedly, there may be an additional "surprise" item this year..... the suspense is killing me!

No Words...

when i was up in the mountains recently, i was witness to this.  it brought me to tears.  i don't think any more words are necessary....

Pushing Myself

we used to hike a lot.  before stu’s knees went south, we thought nothing of an 8 -10 mile day hike and even logged about 16 on occasion (pretty sure getting lost pumped up those miles above what was intended…)

 anyway, one of the reasons i choose to go up to the mountains last week was to re-hike suicide rock.  i’d done it a few years back and remembered it as a great experience.  round trip including wandering at the top is about 7 miles.  no problem, right?  well, truthfully, the 7 miles were not a problem, but the 2,000 foot elevation gain… well, that gave me a run for my money!  and blatantly reminded me that i’m not in the shape i once was…

 

 

i was very determined, however, and fortunately it was a sunny but cool day.  pretty sure i could not have done it in the heat.  the way up seemed… well, endless.  and although there are some lovely views along the way, the big views are at the end.  so it was pretty much trudging up, up and up some more. gasp.

The last leg...

 by time i finally huffed and puffed my way to the top, my legs felt literally like jelly.  i questioned my decision at several points along the way, but the final destination was oh, so sweet!  i had the whole place to myself.  the views, the quiet, and the satisfaction that pushing and persevering always pay off in the end.  yes. (oh, the way down was a piece of cake!)

Umm... totally get why it's called Suicide Rock! (there's a story, of course)

(keep moving forward...........)