Kicking and Screaming...

i have to admit - that’s kind of how i have approached this birthday.  not wanting it to happen.  not wanting to accept the fact that i have lived every one of those years and they have just added up into this big steep pile of birthdays. 

 part of me is a little in shock.  how did this happen?  suddenly this long winding string of life has a visible end to it.  and say what you will about “not getting older, getting better” or “it’s just a number”, the cold, hard fact is that getting older does kind of suck.

there’s the physical decline stuff which is pretty obvious, but also the jolting realization that my time here is getting shorter and shorter.  i can totally understand how, to the unprepared, this realization can be daunting and can lead the way into fear and negativity.  so how then to be prepared??

 i suppose by looking at the big picture and not getting all emotional about it.  we come, we do, we learn, we make choices and we go.  at this point in my life, i’m accepting of what i have done and learned and the choices i have made. and though i’m still doing all of these things, when it’s over, it’s over and i hope to let go gracefully.  i know it can be done.

(not that i expect to deal with this any time soon…. i am as healthy as i have ever been and there is a lot of longevity in my family, but birthdays have a way of prompting me to think along these lines and get a little philosophical… and i do think it’s a good direction

once in a while…)

of course realizing that the present moment is all we have anyway is the most powerful idea.  as i get better at embracing this concept and living it, i know that i will be just fine.  bring on the birthdays and let the celebration begin!!

i realize these pics don’t necessarily fit the theme, but i’m so far behind with my pics and wanted to share this lovely time recently kayaking on lake tahoe with my sis-in-law.  yep, i can still try new things and i hope to continue that trend!!

Owning my Age

it’s not hard to look around and realize, that, yes, october has arrived.  i have very mixed feelings about that…. i mean, i love fall – the color, the crispness, the coziness.  (thank goodness, as of today, our seemingly endless summer heatwave has ended!)

 but october is also the month of my birth.  exciting, right?  wait a minute – not so fast.  i have been dreading this one in a big way.  and wondering if i should even say anything at all.  why?? because the fact is, i know the majority of my readers are younger than me and i guess at some level i feel that if you realize how much older i am, it will alienate you somehow (she’s HOW old??  omg, she’s older than my mother!)

 irrational?  probably.  silly??  absolutely.  but i want to be as honest as possible and so i’m just exploring this myself.  here’s another ridiculously irrational thought:  if they know how old i am, they will expect more from me.  they will expect me to be very wise and mature and then be disappointed when i’m not…. (yikes!)

 and then there’s the fact that i can fool some folks.  i’m not overweight and blonde hair hides the gray pretty well – if you don’t look too close, i may fool you for a while, but so what (it’s not like that’s going to add any more years to my life…) would you be more likely to be my friend if i were turning 50?? (i doubt it)

i realize the reality is i’m not giving you guys nearly enough credit.  those of you that i know, i also know to be beyond this kind of thinking….so i’m jumping in headfirst, owning this thing and determined to put a positive spin on it….. i’m turning 60 this month!  there.  the cat is out of the bag!

i will be taking another break this week - we are traveling again – this time a family reunion.  it’s a branch of my hubby’s family that neither of us know…. should be interesting!  hope to catch you soon....

Not Enough Time...

is it just me??  i seem to be always fighting that feeling that i do not have enough time and that there are NEVER enough hours in the day…  this may come as a surprise to some who know me and it baffles me too because when i was working full-time, i used to long for the days when i wouldn’t have to go to work… and it seemed there would just be endless buckets of time stretched out before me and i would be able to do everything i wanted to do and more.

 perhaps it’s partly because of all the traveling lately – we are heading north again later this week for a family reunion and other things (fun, but not the best timing).

 

a few of the things occupying my (limited) time these days:

several friends and family members are dealing with difficult issues – serious health problems and death.  no, this is not going to get easier.  i'm well aware that as we age, we will be called upon to deal more and more with these life situations.. it’s hard to know how to be helpful, but i want to learn how to be better at it…..

after coming so close to giving up entirely, i was finally able to launch my “creativity unleashed” workshops!.  i am beyond thrilled that this has happened and i adore the group of women that have come and made this possible.  a lot of planning goes into this, but i love every minute of it!

i am trying to create some new art.  the relentless heat is not helping… no a/c in the studio and it’s basically impossible to work in there in the afternoon.  so it’s slow going.

new piece - "Fences"

so the days are full (yes, that’s a GOOD thing!) and time is marching right along… i’m trying to stay aware and remember the reminder in my last post…. as well as the mood depicted in these pics…. (deep breath....)

p.s. i know there have been some problems with leaving comments.  i have no idea why but let me know if this continues and i’ll try to research it.  you can always email me at patty@nomadicnotebook(dotcom)

 (pics taken at bucks lake, plumas national forest, northern ca)

A Message

the breeze crept in

and touched my skin

just now

carrying with it

a message

from the universe

a message reminding me

to stop

to look up

to listen

to breathe

to appreciate

to enjoy

to let go

to lift up

to elevate

to pray

to be

 (thank you)