Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Believing in Myself....



this is a little tough to write…. but here goes.

it’s starting to be a familiar feeling…. i have an idea for a workshop or a retreat.  i get really excited about it and spend a ton of time thinking, planning, preparing….. i put the idea out there and then i wait…. and hope.... and nothing happens.  i send out emails, facebook posts, flyers, the whole she-bang and there is no response.  zip.  zero.  or maybe just a teeny bit, but not enough to  actually make it happen.


at first, i had a very hard time not taking this personally.  obviously, if people really liked me and thought i had something to share, they would sign up, right?  well, that may be true to some extent but i can’t waste my energies fretting about that. 


 the fact is that i have already hosted 5 successful retreats and i do believe they were worthwhile for the participants.  i also believe that i do have something valuable to share and that there are those out there who could benefit.  if i stop believing that, i may as well hang it up right now.  


 it’s also been difficult at times not to feel like i have wasted a great deal of time.  but  i’m choosing not to believe that either.  oh, i have my moments for sure, but deep down i do believe that sometime, somewhere all of this preparation is an investment and will to be put to good use….i know it’s true (right?)  i have to believe that....


 i realize that these pics have absolutely nothing to do with the subject matter.  i have no idea why i chose them except maybe it’s been so blasted hot and i needed a little relief from some cooool oregon sea life!  and thanks for listening!


23 comments:

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    1. Kris, that means the world to me...

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  2. pattygirl.....i can tell you that i go through this with my art and i know that so many others feel the same way.
    my heartbreaks a little reading this, a little for good (realizing i am human and not the only one who feels this) and a little sad(for a girl i adore and love dearly). it is so hard to put ourselves out there. each of us. and some make it look and seem like it should be that easy for everyone. it can be the beast for sure. what i do know is that you are a talented gift to this world. and through your hurt i can see that you do believe in you and that is the best. i sit here many days and wonder if i am doing, truly where my gifts best shine and for now, yes - until i ponder up something else. so know that i am over here totally seeing and hearing you.

    and you said you dont know why you used those specific images, well i do. because that is one of you very biggest gifts. sharing the little bits of this amazing land with me and all the others.

    muuuuuuu-wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. love you.

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    1. Now you have me all teared up, Kelly... see, I never would have guessed. And I had no idea I was going to write this post today. I thought about some other possibilities and then thought - why not just write what's really on my mind? And as often happens with that, someone else can resonate with it too... I so appreciate every word you have written here. You are the best, my friend. I love you and thank you!!!

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  3. Kelly put it way more beautifully than I could! What she said!

    I know what you're saying. With every sentence, I'm nodding with a knowing of how this feels.

    I see you.

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    1. Michele, I so appreciate it. You, my friend, are one of my inspirations. You have never hesitated to put what was on your mind out there. Obviously, I admire that. Thank you.

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  4. Dear Patty-I so feel for you and where you are on your journey. I think we have all been there many times (under various guises) in our lives (creative + otherwise). It's part of the journey but it still hurts + sucks when you are smack in the middle of it. I admire your courage in sharing these tender feelings with us...and your tenacity. Yes!! Keep on believing in yourSELF and...either a door will open or you wil make one that never existed before. Everything is valauable...even rejection and disapointment. Maybe...especially these difficult feelings. xxx
    p.s. beeeeyooootiful pics BTW!!! Have to visit Oregon:)

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    1. Oh, sweet Soraya, your words are a balm to me. I know you have had your struggles too and I believe that that is in part what bonds us together. I know it's all good but it has taken me a while to really believe that. I'm getting better at it and part of that is just putting it out there and then hearing what everyone has to say. A couple of years ago I would never have shared this....
      So thank you, my friend. Your kind words mean more than you know.

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  5. Nothing is wasted, Patty. Everything we experience from the elation of success to the disappointments and confusion, all contribute to who we are. Put everything in a bucket and send it out into the world. It's your gift. Don't worry, keep living and stay on your path. xx Jane

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    1. Jane, I so love that philosophy. And I love the bucket analogy! You have certainly done your part to support my efforts and I am ever so grateful!! XOX

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  6. I came to visit you yesterday, read your post and had to leave without commenting. You are such a wonderfully capable woman, it's hard to believe you live with doubt. I guess we all do - I certainly know I do, however I have not had the successes under my belt which you have enjoyed wither. More opportunities for creative growth seem to be coming your say which is absolutely GREAT! I think it's your 'growing' time ... by leaps and bounds. Let it be and enjoy. Kick your critic and doubt master out the door. Enjoy the journey my dear Patty - we come this way but once. Beautiful photographs - always take me away when I need a little respite. xoDonna

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    1. Where is my reply?? I wrote it yesterday and now it is gone ?!*?!
      Trying to remember what I said... just that I so appreciate every single word and thought - oh, and that I have missed your support and wonderful insights and I am so glad you are back!!! XOX

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  7. Oh my..Patty, I'm sorry to learn you're feeling so conflicted. Friend, I look at you and see so much joy and creativity..I know it's difficult sometimes when you want so desperately to offer something beautiful to the world and for whatever reason your plans don't fully come together. I know it might be old school to say this, But Everything is in Divine-Order. When Heaven frustrates the soul (troubles the water), there is always a good reason. Look deeper - you might be surprised and even happier on the new path you're supposed to traveling right now. Love&Sunshine, Terri

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    1. Terri, I also responded to you yesterday, but some of the replies have disappeared. Aargh!!! I will try to remember.... I know you have had a rough time lately too and I so appreciate your optimism and positive views! Seriously, your words are always an inspiration to me and I value your friendship. THANK YOU!! XOX

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  8. Boy can I relate to your experience...if I had a dollar for every time I wanted to quit my art because I doubted myself...I'd be a millionaire!!

    Having the courage to dream it and put it into action, no matter what the results is huge...most people don't ever get that far!! So, give yourself tons of credit there! And remember this economy is not very conducive to the arts! And lastly I think it's a great way for you to see where there is work to be done...to truly believe in yourself and that what you are doing is super worth while!! Don't allow any of it to make you quit your dreams... just Keep on Truckin'!!! :-D

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    1. Kathryn, you have been such a supportive friend! Honestly, I had no idea I was going to write this yesterday. I was toying with some other ideas and then just decided to go with what was REALLY on my mind. I am so blown away with the supportive comments!!! THANK YOU!!!
      Seriously, YOU GUYS ROCK!!!!

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  9. Yes,yes,yes, I love it when you write what's on your mind! I have much to learn when it comes to that.

    I understand that your work with workshops and retreats is both a joy and an income. But I sometimes wish that there were a kind of platform for a "cyberwokshop" on line with video calls, (like my children is creating "worlds" together with their friends online with their computers.
    Please think about it!

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    1. Ella, I so appreciate your support and confidence in me! I bet if I had kids I would be a lot more technically savvy... it's something to think about for sure, but I would definitely need a bit of "technical assistance" to make that happen!

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  10. Patty, I understand where you are, because I have been through that as well (actually I'm currently smack in the middle of it), only I didn't have the courage to say that out loud. Kudos to you. As some here already said, I think it is part of the journey and it can darn hurt from time to time. You have to believe in yourself because you are such a talented and gifted woman. In German, we call these times "Durststrecken" (stetches of thirst) and it says it so perfectly. I don't know why they are there, perhaos to make us stronger? I don't know, but I feel with you.

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    1. Thank you, Carola, I love your German word! So perfect. Sorry to hear you are having struggles as well, but I do love that we can share these with friends who understand. And, yes, I do think they are there to make us stronger, but it's pretty hard to be objective about that from smack dab in the middle. Thank you for your support, my friend!!

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  12. You got some great comments on here. Know that you are not alone at all! And that nothing is wasted.

    Do it cause you love it and only for that reason.

    You are an amazing girl. Your ideas are wonderful. There is just so much going on all the time and most of us dont get to stop and smell the roses, or see beautiful water pictures :) hee hee!

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    1. Thanks so much, Elena!! I agree - our lives have become way too complex and I don't think that is changing any time soon. It takes discipline just to stop. and. appreciate.

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