Friday, October 28, 2011

Limbo Land



i feel like that’s where i have been living these last 9 days…. that’s how long it’s been since i was notified that, after 20 straight years of clean mammograms, this time there was a problem.  of course everyone you seek to get information from is trained to say nothing.   i went in for “additional views” and the way that appointment went down did not serve to increase my confidence that everything was fine.  then when i tried to call for the results i was basically ignored.


 i’m not exactly a stranger to limbo-land.  for a person who has pretty much been the picture of health, i have had a whole slew of “false positives” in my life.  the grand-daddy of them all happened 3 years ago when i was told that an innocent-looking cyst in my side was actually malignant.  that put a whole series of events in place, including surgery, scans, and specialists.  there was a lot of waiting and limbo-land involved in the 2 and a half months before one of the specialists asked for a re-do on the biopsy and it was actually found to be benign.


 in theory, i welcome the opportunity to “practice” dealing with difficulty.  i get that life is not all about pleasure and avoidance of pain.  the reality, of course, is challenging.  i tried not to think too much.  went about my life.  i did a lot of writing.  petted my dog.  i observed my body and mind.  at times i was completely calm.  at other times, even while meditating, i could hear my heart beating.  stu was a prince, by my side every step of the way. 


we are re-reading parts of the power of now for the 4th time (it’s a book that can’t possibly be absorbed in one read-through!) very, very helpful.  also, i loved the simple words from my sweet friend lisa (who has been there and speaks with authority):   
ALL WILL BE WELL......   yes.


i finally heard from the doctor’s office while i was writing this.  not quite as satisfying as i had hoped – i need to follow up in 6 months.  so not the worst-case scenario, but looks like i am still going to be a casual visitor to the land of limbo for a while…. it's ok.


my camera has also been in limbo-land for the last 9 days (the shop).  so i decided to include these fun shots i took while playing with the light as the sun went down on big bear lake 2 weeks ago.  hopefully they will bring a little light to a not-so-lighthearted post!

 HAPPY HALLOWEEN WEEKEND!!

8 comments:

  1. I had the same kind of thing happen to me years ago...and I'm perfectly fine today! With your passion and positive energy I'm certain everything will be great!!!

    Your photos are just beautiful!!

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  2. Understand the limbo land. (((hugs))) I have been there a few times relating to the same concerns. I wish you well and hope the 6 month follow-up is clear.

    Stay inspired!

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  3. Love your images as well - the third and fourth are my favourites :).

    Stay inspired!

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  4. Oh Patty! I know that limbo well. I was diagnosed with breast cancer six years ago. It was incorrect and I had a fibro adenoma instead of cancer. (thank God) But even then, I had to be monitored and poked about every so often until I said ENOUGH and just moved myself out of limbo for good.

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  5. Not a nice land to be visiting, Patty. So many of us understand what you are going through. I hope you can feel all the love and support. In the moment, In the now, a good place to be. Not always easy to find it though. Be well, stay near those who love you. xxDonna

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  6. I can only wish that I won't get the passport to that land even if we have had it in both in my mothers and fathers the family.

    Your photos show both light in the darkness and sharpness in the blur.

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  7. Sorry to hear about the confusing mammogram results...and - yes - learning to live with the discomfort and uncertainty is a practice and an art all unto itself.

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  8. sending good thoughts over.
    i'm also currently reading "the power of now", for the 4th time too. it really helps.

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