i feel like that’s where i have been living these last 9 days…. that’s how long it’s been since i was notified that, after 20 straight years of clean mammograms, this time there was a problem. of course everyone you seek to get information from is trained to say nothing. i went in for “additional views” and the way that appointment went down did not serve to increase my confidence that everything was fine. then when i tried to call for the results i was basically ignored.
i’m not exactly a stranger to limbo-land. for a person who has pretty much been the picture of health, i have had a whole slew of “false positives” in my life. the grand-daddy of them all happened 3 years ago when i was told that an innocent-looking cyst in my side was actually malignant. that put a whole series of events in place, including surgery, scans, and specialists. there was a lot of waiting and limbo-land involved in the 2 and a half months before one of the specialists asked for a re-do on the biopsy and it was actually found to be benign.
in theory, i welcome the opportunity to “practice” dealing with difficulty. i get that life is not all about pleasure and avoidance of pain. the reality, of course, is challenging. i tried not to think too much. went about my life. i did a lot of writing. petted my dog. i observed my body and mind. at times i was completely calm. at other times, even while meditating, i could hear my heart beating. stu was a prince, by my side every step of the way.
we are re-reading parts of the power of now for the 4th time (it’s a book that can’t possibly be absorbed in one read-through!) very, very helpful. also, i loved the simple words from my sweet friend lisa (who has been there and speaks with authority):
ALL WILL BE WELL...... yes.
i finally heard from the doctor’s office while i was writing this. not quite as satisfying as i had hoped – i need to follow up in 6 months. so not the worst-case scenario, but looks like i am still going to be a casual visitor to the land of limbo for a while…. it's ok.
my camera has also been in limbo-land for the last 9 days (the shop). so i decided to include these fun shots i took while playing with the light as the sun went down on big bear lake 2 weeks ago. hopefully they will bring a little light to a not-so-lighthearted post!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN WEEKEND!!