Limbo Land

i feel like that’s where i have been living these last 9 days…. that’s how long it’s been since i was notified that, after 20 straight years of clean mammograms, this time there was a problem.  of course everyone you seek to get information from is trained to say nothing.   i went in for “additional views” and the way that appointment went down did not serve to increase my confidence that everything was fine.  then when i tried to call for the results i was basically ignored.

 i’m not exactly a stranger to limbo-land.  for a person who has pretty much been the picture of health, i have had a whole slew of “false positives” in my life.  the grand-daddy of them all happened 3 years ago when i was told that an innocent-looking cyst in my side was actually malignant.  that put a whole series of events in place, including surgery, scans, and specialists.  there was a lot of waiting and limbo-land involved in the 2 and a half months before one of the specialists asked for a re-do on the biopsy and it was actually found to be benign.

 in theory, i welcome the opportunity to “practice” dealing with difficulty.  i get that life is not all about pleasure and avoidance of pain.  the reality, of course, is challenging.  i tried not to think too much.  went about my life.  i did a lot of writing.  petted my dog.  i observed my body and mind.  at times i was completely calm.  at other times, even while meditating, i could hear my heart beating.  stu was a prince, by my side every step of the way. 

we are re-reading parts of the power of now for the 4^th time (it’s a book that can’t possibly be absorbed in one read-through!) very, very helpful.  also, i loved the simple words from my sweet friend lisa (who has been there and speaks with authority):   

ALL WILL BE WELL......   yes.

i finally heard from the doctor’s office while i was writing this.  not quite as satisfying as i had hoped – i need to follow up in 6 months.  so not the worst-case scenario, but looks like i am still going to be a casual visitor to the land of limbo for a while…. it's ok.

my camera has also been in limbo-land for the last 9 days (the shop).  so i decided to include these fun shots i took while playing with the light as the sun went down on big bear lake 2 weeks ago.  hopefully they will bring a little light to a not-so-lighthearted post!

 HAPPY HALLOWEEN WEEKEND!!