Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Tentative Frienships

have you had this happen?  you read someone’s blog and really resonate with something they said.  or maybe they find you for the same reason.  or maybe it’s a facebook status.  you communicate a few times and really feel a connection.  and next thing you know, they’re gone.  they have new friends and new connections.  (was it something i said??)


 i don’t want to be negative or judgmental about this process because, after all, there is real human connection going on and we all need that, right?  but i’m having a little trouble getting used to this new format of friendship.  it’s sooo fast-paced.  if you stay out of the loop for a few days or weeks, your so-called “friends” have moved on.  it’s like there is an inexhaustible supply out there, so your friendship is really not that important anyway.

personally, i can’t always keep up with that pace.  i need down-time.  away-from-people time.  and i want to know that if i don’t keep up a constant flow of communication that my friends will still be there for me.  that they won’t abandon me for new ones and leave me hanging.

 i have some friends i grew up with who i don’t communicate much at all with and yet, when we are together, the relationship is totally intact.  just like we haven’t been apart.   i love that.   just throwing it out there to see if anyone else can relate – would love to hear your thoughts!!


  1. I understand of what you speak,, I no longer belong to facebook, I'm a quite private person, I have many friends , good friends that when we are together we pick up right away as if we haven't missed a day.The frineds i am closest to are quite a bit like me in that respect I think.I don't want or need constant interaction with my fiends and I have no desire for false friends, I had a very short friends list on facebook,, I wasn't really into that form of entertainment or communication, I still would much rather look my friends in the eyes or at least hear their voice.I found facebook was becoming a competition ,, who had the most the best, I'm not into that.

  2. Facebook and blogging can be a bit much for me at times. I have several "real life" friends who I can go months without talking to and then we pick up just like it was yesterday. I love that. I have also had friends who have not been able to understand the long pauses without communication and they moved on. I think those people need constant interaction, where I don't. Online friendships can be tricky...you never know what's going on in their real worlds...maybe they are going through something...then again maybe they are just flaky. What I don't understand is why can't people just SAY they are busy or they are moving on to other relationships or whatever. To me, that's much better than just "dumping" a friend with no explanation. For the record, not matter how many breaks we need from the internet...I'll be here for you. ♥

  3. I haven't so many blogfriends, because I need to know the one I have and feel a kind of connection. But I have been afraid of and thought about how sad it would be if someone abandoned me without an explanation. I think I'm most worried that someone will dump me because my language is too simple and they misunderstand what I want to say. My wish is that I have friends who can be honest and give me their opinion, just because we're blog friends we don't have to be consistent in everything.

  4. I find friendships of any sort are difficult to maintain and yes with the online social structure now so much in the forefront of our lives, it sure can mess with our self-esteem. I try not to take it personally anymore. I deleted my Facebook account a while back and hope that my friends from there look me up on my blog, but then most didn't bother to check it out when I was on Facebook. I send emails to try to keep up with people, but also realize that many of my friends also work and are still raising their families, so I don't fit into things so easily. The internet is good and bad for connection :).

    Stay inspired!
    Brain Angles - Invisible Ink

  5. the cyber world can be a crazy place. i haven't experienced any thing that left a bad taste in my mouth but i'm sure it happens all the time...people come and go with such busy lives. would it be uncomfortable for you to write this new friend and ask her/him why? it probably has nothing to do with you...maybe something happened in her/his life??! (2nd agreement...never take anything personally...from the book the 4 agreements)

  6. Hi Patty, this now makes four attempts to post to your blog via blogger....your photographs that compliment the discussion are fantastic.

    I have been out of the loop for a few weeks with computer problems and then away on an art retreat with friends.

    Interesting that you mention friendships. My "true friends" are always there for me whether it be days, months or years. I also enjoy time spent with acquaintances which have cultivated strong friendships. In the digital world it is difficult to do all that we would like or spent the time with each friend on a regular basis. We all have priorities -- family, jobs, etc. which absorb hours in the day with the clock ticking rapidly. I feel very fortunate to have life-long friends some of which I met online and have never met. They are there to support me as needed and I treasure each and every one of them.

  7. i can understand this. i need down time too. a lot. i have what i call my "heart friends", we know we're there for each other but don't have to chat often. i have my "crafty friends", they come and go. i also had an experienced doing an art exhibition with a new friend and that's it, we hardly connect after that. lol! i have some blog friends who turned into good friends and also some that just float away. but i just take things as they are. i think no matter how close or not so close the relationship are/was, the connection was made and i like to think that we've benefited each other in some way. even the unpleasant ones we meet along the way.

    have a pleasant day patty!

  8. Obviously eveyone is engaged in this topic some way or another Patty. Most of the blogging friends I have made, have remained on the long term list even though I have never met them. The list really is not that long, however it's a nice list. What disturbs me is long term friends, who walk away without a word, because for whatever reason they are not brave enough to talk about it and work it out. I don't want to be judgmental either, but I simply don't understand this type of action. Silence can be so very hurtful. I also think making new long term 'heart' friends as we age is not as easy as when we were young. We need more from a relationship now? Not sure. Anyway, a very interesting subject, Patty. Facebook for me is simply a way of keeping up with a few friends who are not physically close .. it's nice. Wouldn't want more from it. Thanks for your thoughts. The photograph of the two squirrels is a keeper. Just hit me in the heart! Take care. oxDonna

  9. Relationships are so complex. I can relate to the needed down time..the time alone and away. It's hard to maintain that just right balance.

  10. Holy smokes you are so where I am at present! I know just what you are saying. And you can get so hurt by this and when it comes down to it, you don't even really know each other. It's crazy when you think about it.

    More real life less cyber life I think. :)

  11. It's a very confusing world we're living in... I'm finding it difficult to keep up with all the social networking out there! Like you there are times I need a break, maybe I'm just spreading myself too thin. I find myself running through post, but not always leaving comments because I get so far behind!

    I don't think it's anything more than people getting distracting and overwhelmed! Love you choice of photos for this post!

  12. True, so true. As I'm sure you've noticed, with my sporadic stops by your blog & Facebook, that I find the online world hard to keep up with. Because I'm not on Facebook all the time I do feel like I'm missing out sometimes...and get anxious and stressed out that I'm not keeping up. But then I think how bizarre I sound...it's not supposed to be stressful, is it? Anyway, I hope that people don't take it personally...and I hope you know I still care...even if I'm not consistent with my drop by visits. :) It's tough though - it's makes you wonder sometimes why you do this at all..or is that just me?


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