Friday, April 9, 2010

A New Day

my first title for this post was “major funk” because, truly, that’s what it’s about. and for no good reason. ok, it hasn’t been the best of weeks. my gym suddenly closed down with no warning, my oven died (permanently, i think) with the muffins ready to pop in and property taxes and income taxes are both due. but, it didn’t feel like those things were really the triggers. i mean, life is full of that kind of stuff and we just deal with it and keep going, right?

i think this was more of a creative funk. i started out yesterday feeling scattered – so many projects – i couldn’t focus. the negative thoughts started circling around my head and totally took over. before i knew it, i was actually wallowing in them. my projects, my work, my self, my life, nothing was safe from this onslaught of negativity. nothing sounded interesting or enticing. i read a few blogs but was only annoyed by how well everyone else seemed to be doing.

my heart actually felt heavy. it’s scary being in this place, not knowing how long it’s going to last and feeling powerless to get out of it. it was déjà vu to how i felt shortly after i lost my job, but that was last year and i’ve been doing so much better. i’ve never had to deal with real depression, but i do get it – this kind of funk carried on for a while could be absolutely debilitating.

this morning, i was a bit reluctant to leave my dreams, not knowing what the day would bring. i awoke to heavy fog, which i thought was fitting. i took my little camera on my walk, having spotted some intriguing flowers yesterday.

after i shot the flowers, i started noticing how cool the fog looked and i started shooting that. as it started to lift and burn off, the light broke through and it felt like the perfect metaphor for my feelings. as i was busy shooting the light, i could feel light penetrating my spirit. and in a really serendipitous manner, the perfect songs seemed to come up on my ipod shuffle.

not sure if i’m totally out of the woods yet or if i am, why did this happen and how did it go away??  haven't really figured that out yet.   anyway, back to the title. i decided to go with something positive. it’s a new day.


  1. i adore you dear Patty!!!!

    I love this post....the rawness, the realness of it!!! The vulnerability in it!!! I can relate to every word of it....and my thought is just came out of an amazing retreat that YOU put together...yes YOU!!! you pioneered brought something new and exciting into these women's lives and you may be a little bit on the downside of that....the bursting of that bubble so to speak!!

    it will lift....just like the fog and it may come back again just like the fog that tends to roll in and roll out. just be with it....surround yourself with those little things that nurture your soul and give you comfort and know that it is okay to have these days...these "major funk" days!!!

    i am here blowing kisses and sending hugs!

  2. I love your post. Honest and the photos to prove it :o ) If you want some company, I'm it! I'm not doing well at all. Perhaps I will blog about it. I haven't even been able to do that. Hope you feel better soon .... however, remember your words for the year ... "just be". It's OK. xx

  3. I totally second what Kolleen said! Isn't it great that you now have this blog that you can reflect on? Reflect on all your accomplishments, all your will hold you up when you're feeling down.

  4. I am in that feeling with you And it is not always easy to look at the bright side of things when deep inside you just feel dark.

    But know that I am always here for you. Holding your hand along on this journey.

    Love you!!

  5. I keep having moments of funk lately. Not entirely sure why. It occurs to me that I could blog about them on my wellness blog so you know that others are there with you - but my writing is blocked at the moment so not much is getting out. Just know that you are not alone. And I am sending you love and hugs from afar.


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