13 Years

i played the piano today in your memory

you’d’ve been proud that i still remembered how
it’s been 13 years
since we said our last good-byes
did i even say good-bye?
i was so stunned to be in the presence
of one leaving the earth
i didn’t know quite how to react
i didn’t grab you and hug you
and tell you not to go
i knew it had to be
that this part of your journey was drawing to a close
that things were just following their natural course….

the tears still come easily

if i let myself go back to that place
tears not so much of sadness really
but of some indefinable emotion
toward a life built of so much goodness,
innocence even....
you didn't seem to have the capacity
to begin to understand or relate to
the evils of the world
i'm sad to say that they have not improved
in the last 13 years
and sometimes i think it's best
that you made your exit when you did

no, we didn’t always see eye to eye

but i never doubted for a second
that that goodness was there
hidden beneath layers of life’s messy ordinariness
buried like an anchor
keeping the ship of our lives together
from drifting too far off course


sometimes i don’t feel worthy
of all that goodness and innocence
maybe that’s why i’m crying