(wednesday)
i swore i wasn’t going to write about this. i get that no one wants to hear the details of a medical procedure, especially one as indelicate as a colonoscopy. but i should warn you that i’m still (supposedly) under the effects of the sedative, and while i’ve committed my signature to the promise that i won’t operate heavy machinery or make any life-altering legal decisions, no one said anything about rehashing my experiences on a blog. ha ha, just kidding – i’m not going to share any details, but the fact is this procedure has been a part of my life for a few days and i had a couple of thoughts to share.
i’ve been blessed with strong genes and i live a reasonably healthy life-style, but, yes, i’m getting older and i have had a few issues. maybe someday i’ll share the story of my cancer mis-diagnosis in 2008 and the two and a half months that followed. anyway, every time i have faced a medical problem or even a test like this one, i have this huge feeling of vulnerability. face it – we are not built to last. or as my husband likes to say, “none of us is getting out of here alive”. so true and it does not get better with age! a fact of life that i sometimes struggle to accept.
my other thought has to do with the whole indignity and sort of loss of control of being a patient. here’s a little sample of the path i found the irrational part of my brain wandering down: how dare “they” tell me that i have to eat jello for dinner…. or that i can’t put any creamer in my coffee…. or that i can’t have a sip of water when i’m thirsty…... who do they think they are anyway…. i’ll show them….i’ll break all their rules!
there you have a little glimpse of my rebellious spirit. sad, isn’t it? again i remind you, this is not my mature and rational self speaking, but the thoughts were there nonetheless and i think it’s always best to acknowledge them.
so, bottom line? i’m learning and am again reminded of the importance of having respect, compassion and empathy for those who are dealing with health issues. oh, yea, that’s all of us.
and one more parting thought:
and one more parting thought:
i am not my body
things can happen to it and be done to it
but they do not have to affect ME
oh how beautifully said my friend. you touched me deeply with this one.
ReplyDeleteblessings and love to you!
It seems like a lot of people around me these days are dealing with body parts that are not quite doing what they'd hope they were doing. I think I need to get better at appreciating my body for all that it does do for me. thanks for sharing - and thanks not for sharing the details! :) thinking of you...
ReplyDeleteyep, it's true, none of us are getting out of here alive!
ReplyDeletegood for you for taking care of your self. cheers to a speedy recovery-
:)
I need to get better at appreciating what my body does for me in general. Now.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're taking care of yourself!
And Patty, I cannot even tell you how much I love that first photo. How did you get it?!
Miss Patty..I definitely like your attitude.."and" your humor! Also I sincerely respect the fact that you look after yourself. Loved your final thought too! We are certainly "not" our bodies. Great post! :))
ReplyDeleteYour parting thoughts are ones to live by. And - I have a similar attitude when it comes to 'them' telling me what to do..and what not! Bet you're glad it's over and done with!!!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on 'taking care'. You have also reminded me I need to develop a closer relationship with my body. We are so connected - body, mind, and spirit ... no demarcation lines there. One for all and all for one! I too love the first photo - brilliant. Be well, we whole and be at peace, my dear Patty. I'm glad it is over for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone, for your thoughtful comments! RE: the first photo: the in-focus version was a bunch of gold tinsel ("icicles") laid out on the arm of my sofa reflecting the light from outside. You just never know when you may want your camera!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your experience! It might motivate other people to get this important procedure! Loved your final thought - so beautifully stated!
ReplyDeleteMarianne
Clearly I may have to rethink my policy on gold tinsel in the house! :)
ReplyDelete