Sunday, December 27, 2009

On the Brink (part 1 of 3)

it has certainly been a year like no other for me and i'm trying right now to sift through my experiences and capture any hidden gems that might still be buried in the rubble, waiting to enlighten me with a message or 2 before i don my hiking boots and step out into the uncharted territory of 2010 (!) .....

i've decided to break this up into 3 little chapters and to intersperse some of my favorite snow scenes from the year so that you have something to look at in the midst of all this philosophizing! although we don't get any snow here, i have had some opportunities to be in the presence of snow several times this year and wanted to share.

nederland, colorado, september

oh yes, i have had my struggles this year. but in looking back and trying to analyze and learn i realize that all of these struggles existed in the same place - right there smack-dab in the middle of my own head!

i didn’t struggle for survival or for safety, i didn’t have to worry about putting food on the table or a roof over my head or clothes on my body. believe me, i don’t take any of these things for granted, so i am truly grateful for this! i also wasn’t sick a single day and didn’t have any major personal disagreements with anyone. as i write this out, i’m thinking, wow, how lucky am i!

joseph, oregon, june

instead, my struggles were more of the "who-am-i-anyway-without-my-job?, didn't-anyone-notice-what-i've-been-doing-for-the-last-3-decades?, what-happened-to-all-my-so-called-friends?, what-the-heck-do-i-want-to-do-with-the-rest-of-my-life? and how-can-i-make-a-difference?" variety. not earth-shattering by most standards, but daunting and self-shaking to the core at times, nonetheless.

so i had my share of disappointment, anxiety, sadness, grief, uncertainty, poor self-esteem and unrealized dreams. who doesn’t? some of these feelings lasted much longer and were more persistent than i would have liked or anticipated, but probably the biggest lesson i have learned (in very small steps and with much practice) is to let those negative thoughts go before they spiral out of control. i really think i am doing better on this!

stay tuned for part 2, my lesson list....



  1. I see so much of myself in your analysis! We are definitely on the same path in different ways. One foot in front of the other, Babe! Your photography is is splendid. How long have you been involved with your camera? What kind do you have? Keep in keeping on. ;)

  2.'s been about 6 years now (there is a little summary on the "about" page of my website - link above) I am using a Canon 20D, fairly ancient by today's standards. The new 7D with full HD video is on my wishlist! Thanks for your encouraging words!!

  3. patty! i love your snow pictures. i grew up in the snow and have been in phoenix for the past 12 years. just today i took my 5 little ones (and some not so little anymore) skiing. for three of them, it was their first time seeing snow FALL from the ski. something that i take for granted, but something that they thought was an absolute miracle and the best thing they had ever seen in their young lives. thank you for the part of your heart that you share through your lens. i love you and am so glad that you are my friend.


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