Friday, July 1, 2011

Ten Years Ago (Part 2)

first of all, thank you all so much for your interest in my little story.  your sweet comments, as always, just blow me away! i started writing this out, but then realized that some snippets right from my journals could probably do the best job of giving you the flavor of “part 2” (part one is here).

Will I really have the courage to move out of my comfort zone and leave for a year, maybe longer, maybe forever??  Who knows how I will feel toward my life/job after traveling for a year or more?  I want to experience different parts of me that will surface in different surroundings and situations.
It’s a bit of a roller coaster ride right now – my feelings change back and forth each day.  Today I think I’m too scared to go.
I’m utterly conflicted with no win-win resolution.
I’m becoming sleep-deprived…
I picked up my leave of absence form today, but we’re still too scared to sell. 
My possessions are starting to look like a huge burden.
The house is listed!!  The old motorhome is for sale.  Our lives are changing forever!
I’m hanging on by my fingernails.  It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel!  Work seems so hard right now; I just can’t imagine how I’ve done it all these years. 
Still no lookers and now a plumbing leak to deal with – maybe we’re not supposed to go. Basically, I’m a nervous wreck – as of Friday, I’m unemployed and after five weeks, not one buyer has looked at the house – something is not right here!
Dealing with millions of details and still waiting…I can’t imagine getting all this stuff down to a reasonable level.
Amazing – we’re almost in escrow!  So the first people that saw the house bought it!

um, yea, as i read this back, i’m reminded of all the stress that went with this and it was only just beginning. as soon as the house sold, everything changed.  it was no longer ours.  we had a long list of things that had to be done to it (including paving the road!) for the deal to go through.  we were already less than 100% convinced that this was the right thing to do.  add to that the stress of saying good-bye to a home that we were very emotionally attached to as well as most of our possessions, our careers and our friends… oh, and the million and a half details that went along with transforming our residency from an actual house to a mobile vehicle.  we had 2 cars and a motorhome to sell (and a new motorhome to buy) and we could only keep what would fit in a 10 x10 storage unit....

bye bye to my little honda

What a hectic nightmare with this house turned upside-down.  I can’t find anything!  I gave permission for the estate sale crew to bring in “a few items” belonging to other people – I had no idea.  My home is no longer my own - it has been turned into a store to sell someone else’s stuff!  Everything has been moved around, changed, etc.  It’s as if they have no thought that we’re actually still living in this house and will be here three more weeks.  It’s pretty hard to live without furniture – especially desks, beds, etc.  We’ll also be losing our refrigerator, washer and dryer.  I feel so invaded!  The next week will be a challenge and, of course, now it’s gotten hot.
Poor Daisy is losing all her favorite hiding places and becoming even more disoriented than usual.

Daisy (poor girl was a victim of doggy dementia)

House turned into an estate sale

This “getting ready” part is not for the faint-hearted.  The more ties we cut, the more is at stake, and the more difficult things would be should anything happen to the escrow. It’s looking ok, but I still worry and lie awake at night.

Another very upsetting encounter with the estate sale crew – they obviously would much prefer that I was dead like most of their other clients, instead of still living in my house! 

Continuation of endless details – is the end in sight??
I’m feeling a rather burdensome sadness about leaving this place as the time approaches.  I know I’m going of my own free will and do want to move ahead, but that doesn’t make it easier.  I’ve grown up in many ways here and have experienced such wonderful times and moments.  It’s very, very hard and I’ll probably have a good cry at some point.
Yesterday ranks right up there with one of the most frustrating, discouraging days of my life.  I feel helpless, powerless and unsupported.  After spending most of the day stuck in the motorhome in 100 degree heat (couldn’t get the air to work) watching people drive up and leave empty-handed to the estate sale, I’m left with a mountain of stuff and one week to get rid of it and a husband who thinks more of playing volleyball than of helping me with all of this, well – it wasn’t one of my better days and being alone was part of the problem.  I really hate this kind of oppressive heat.
This little gap in writing represents the chaos and disorder and nonstop hectic-ness of these last few days.  Things have reached a fever pitch trying to get everything done in time and the Salvation Army didn’t show up.
Meantime, school starts without me and no replacement has been found.

I promise, things will improve in part 3!
(i have another post planned, 
but will get back to the story next week some time.)


  1. I overwhelmed just reading this,, wow!

  2. This reminds me a lot of the last two months we spent in Germany before leaving for the US. It ws utter chaos, I had an almost three-year old around plus an almost one-year old that I took care of, and there was SO MUCH to do. In hindsight, it was all worth it - but I remember those feelings of overwhelm, frustration and just wanting to sit down and cry (which actually happened in the middle of Frankfurt, when I found out that the mailbox slit of the US consulate was too small to get the visa application in, and since it was a Sunday the consulate was closed and the two Americans in the little guardhouse were downright rude to me). Everything seemed to scream "don't leave", but perhaps it was just testing us how much we really wanted to go and live in the US. I guess we passed the test...

  3. Oh Patty .. I'm so honoured you would share this with us. Isn't it amazing, looking back, how we make it through these times and are still standing? I'm realizing more and more these days, life is one huge roller coaster. Can't wait for part 3. Such great photographs of the time as well ... and dear sweet Daisy. xxDonna PS: You are a handsome couple :o)

  4. You know it's funny, I was just going to write a little summary - I was remembering mostly the good parts. It wasn't until I went back to my journals that I remembered how stinkin HARD this all was. Carola, I'm glad you and I both pushed through the hard stuff to move on. Donna, I'm guessing you can relate as well.... hasn't been that long ago, right?

  5. I'm so glad that you share this and the journals is a wonderful thing to have. Because it's exactly like you describe that we think that we remember things but the truth is that we forget the most parts.

  6. Wow. I can imagine how overwhelmed you must have been. I am enjoying reading your journal entries though because it's a good reminder that often the frustration and hard work and .. that is involved in a big change will be forgotten in the wonder of the new thing.

  7. moving is one of the most stressful things that happens in life...and as you said you weren't fully committed to leaving. but what an adventure you are on!!


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